Favourites.

Not much has changed...

Age 21.

Age 16.

Same room. Same mirror. Same camera. Same me.

The only real change is the length of my hair and the lack of things on the wall. Oh, and i'm using a different lens on the camera.

Developing.

8 rolls of film.

I ask myself why i have such an expensive hobby, and then i answer myself. "Because I love it"

I am not a particularly talented photographer. Hence why I would never introduce myself as one. I would say that I do not practise photography, I practise Snapature. Snaps of moments, snaps of things, snaps of people that I find interesting, beautiful or just because I don't want to forget what I am taking a picture of. My photography is not art.

Snapature is purely a hobby for me, but it is one that I love, one that I am proud of and one that I am willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money on.

It sounds cliche, but there is some kind of magic that I find in photographs. The magic of it would be; being able to capture a split second of a moment, and having it there in your hands to look at and remember all over again. Capturing a Memory, a Place, a Time. Sometimes you can remember whole days or weeks from one picture. You can remember sounds, and smells. People and emotions.

If I can, I would like to capture amazing moments through photos for the rest of my life. Without forgetting to live these moments as they arise, of course. This way i can be surrounded by the beauty of what I see. Have walls of pictures in my house for all to see. Even if my life is ridiculously mundane, I will still be able to see that i at least lived a life.

This all sounds soppy and boring, and I apologise.

(I find it funny how you only take pictures in happy times. Writing seems to be preferred for the capturing of sadness.)

£2

Me by Megha.

I really like it. She's been hiding this picture for a while. Fiend.

Sketchbook-ing.

Easter was fun.

Another List, (of the same things)

• Longboard
• Topshop Clothes
• Film Developing
• H&M dresses
• Sandals
• Tattoos
• CBGB t-shirt

Mini Plan.

• Finish Uni
• Glastonbury
• Move out of Penryn
• Move into Home
• Get a job
• Replenish overdraft then cancel student account
• Use savings for deposit on house/flat near place of work
• Live.

Please.

I like this.

JOY OF DESTRUCTION from Xaver Xylophon on Vimeo.

Black & White

This camera is probably the love of my life. For as long as it keeps working, and even if it breaks i will try and fix it.

Seasons ////

I had an idea.

It's for a magazine. It comes out four times a year. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter.

Honestly i have been finding it hard to sit down and explain it to this blog.

I have set up a Tumblr blog for it, to get the feel of the aesthetic sorted. Although at the moment it doesn't look anything like i want it.

I am setting up a 'Project' at the moment. But i have a huge To-Do list before i really should get that underway. I need to get a managers head on. I am going to have to delegate and then have people reporting back to me. I will have to trust people to meet the deadlines that i set. I am going to be very serious about this. I really want it to happen.

I am forgetting Chloë! Well this wasn't just my idea. I just seem to be starting it at the moment, until her work is over, and then she can work more towards it as well.

I still want to be in charge of the 'Project' though. I feel like it's my baby.

Main jobs on the To-Do list:

• Make a Mock-up, so i can approach Graphic Designers and see if they would like to be involved, and that they have the right ideas that fit with the aesthetic that i want
• Sort out what features i want.
• Find out the costs of everything - Printing etc.

Once i have done this i can really get everything underway.

Chosen.

These are the chosen images from the professional shoot for the exhibition Catalogue.

Sound in the Gimp room.

Weekend.

This weekend should be lovely. I am really excited.

Tonight i am going to meet Mary, and i'm sure i haven't seen her properly in at least 4 years. It will be interesting to see how much we have changed since we last used to hang out all the time. I'm pretty sure i have changed quite a bit. Since i haven't seen her i have been going out with Joe, been at Uni, naturally changed i guess. I think i have changed slightly more recently as well, just through the people i have met in the last year and the work i have been doing. Realising my ambitions a bit more.

Mary can't stay out too late tonight but i'm hoping that i can meet other people out and about and stay out and have a typically rubbish but great night in Frome.

I am excited about the photos i take now. In everything. Because the ones i do take can be used in the blog for the making of the magazine.

Seasons. Which i will talk about properly on another day.

On saturday at the Frome Cheese and Grain there is also going to be a big camera sale, and i am going to go along. I hope to take some nice photos there, as well as maybe pick up a cheapish film SLR. My Olympus OM-2 is still off for repair, and i really need it back fixed or i just need to get a new one. There is one on ebay that i am watching at the moment but i think it's going to get a bit too expensive, so i will wait until tomorrow and see if i can get anything in the sale.

Sunday is Mothers Day, and i have got my mum the bog standard Card and chocolates. Like every year. But there you go. I don't consider it that great a holiday. Another reason for guilt trips to happen. Oh well.

Well now i have written this i am going to get ready for my outing. And i am positive that i will have no idea what to wear and it will take me the whole three hours until i'm meeting mary to get ready. Vain.

Red///T:Laye

Purchases.

Shorts- H&M
Skirt- Topshop
Skirt- Topshop
M.A.C. - Smoulder Kohl Eye pencil
Dress- Topshop, (i have a belt around the join)

These are the lovely things that i bought yesterday, and i am going to wear something of it out tomorrow when i meet up with Mary and others.

Today.

///

I had a really successful day.

Bursary came in today and i went on a huge shopping spree by myself.

I loved it.

I may do a few photos at some point in the near future to show off my purchases.

Move it.

I did some work.

This is the second ring i have made in the whole of the spring term. Considering that it took me a day and a half to make, i really should have done more by now.

If i really buckle down in summer term I could actually get a decent mark.

To Buy:

• Clothes from Topshop
• Longboard
• Slouchy trackies

//

I am just a drifter at the moment.

I'm allowing myself to be consumed with thoughts.

I'm not actually doing anything to better myself, get new inspirations or motivation.

There is something not quite right with me at the moment.

I just don't know what it is.

Inside Story #1

I see a boy. Or a man. He looks like an older teenager, about 17 or 18. He has dark layered hair, that hugs his face in a messy fashion, but at the same time it is shiny and looks touchable and soft. He is wearing the attire of a skateboarder. The top is dark and long sleeved, i think it's grey or blue. Maybe a rusty blue. If that makes sense. His jeans are black. And he is wearing shoes, but i can't see them because the summer grass is quite long.

He is stood in a clearing of a forest, with grass on the ground, rich green grass. There are tall brown tree trunks, with tops of leaves, stood all around him. There is a house in the distance. A white cottage with old fashioned window frames and a brown door.

The teen seems worried. He looks almost lost, he doesn't know about something. His eyes are wide and his fingers keep jumping to his mouth as he looks around, almost in a panic. Does he think he's being watched? He doesn't want to go into the house, so maybe he has just come from it? Has he run away? Maybe he was angry or upset and in an outburst of emotion he left the house with the intention of not returning? He does not seem to have regret on his face. Just worry. Spinning around every now and then, changing directions to look somewhere else.
I have just noticed that his clothes have changed. His top is now a light t-shirt with a long sleeved red black and white checked shirt open over the top. I notice that he is clean shaven, but i cannot see his eyes. His thin but dark fringe is obscuring them.

There is a path under his feet. Like a circle full of dirt exactly where he is stood. With one last look at the house he turns 180º to the left and starts along the path.

He is striding quite purposefully. I don't think he really knows where he is going though. The path is a close forest path, with the tree trunks all he can see, but it's surprisingly sunny considering how close the trees are together. He looks up and the branches are empty of leaves, but when he looks down the sun is flitting through leaves. It is a summer sun. I imagine he is quite warm, but he is not breaking a sweat.

I have become the boy. When? I'm not really sure, it must have been while he has been walking. A tree branch that looks quite thick and solid whips our left arm as he walks. The branch is quite flexible, so does not hurt. This makes him turn his head in that direction, and we see at first a girl, in a white dress, with long blonde hair. He is still walking in the same direction while we are looking through the trees at the girl. A tree trunk obscures the view of her and when the same spot emerges on the other side she has been replaced with a well.

The well has become an attraction. We are both staring at it. The mystery of the girl is gone. He starts towards it. The path has roots of trees over the dirt making footing slightly uneasy. But at the same time he is still walking, almost as if he is gliding. The well stands in a clearing, a small clearing, and bathed in sunset sunlight. A warm glow of a light, in the perfect circle of the clearing. The floor is covered in green grass, like the house. The well is made of old square grey stones, with a small thatched roof, and the bucket hanging off of the rope from a hook on a pole.

He takes the bucket from the hook. I am now out of his body, yet i can only see from his waist upwards. He is now wearing a plain long sleeved white t-shirt, rolled up to his elbows. His arms have fine dark hair over them. In the light he looks like he would tan a lot in the summer, but it must still be winter, or maybe he has been hiding in the white cottage.

When he reached for the bucket, he lowers it in the water of the well, which is quite high up, and crystal clear. It does not appear to have a colour. The ripples in the water distort his reflection, it's of his face, and i am seeing it through his eyes. He thinks he is attractive, but he looks sad. He has sad blue eyes.

The ripples have stopped and the water is still, his reflection has gone, even though he is still looking down in the water. He notices how the bucket is stuck upright in the water, right in the centre of the well. He reaches for it and pulls. The water has changed, its now the consistency of tough cake mix. He keeps pulling but the water only takes back the bucket. It wont budge, so he gives up. His hands fall to his side as he is defeated. He looks vulnerable but unaware of it. He still has sad blue eyes. I want to cheer him up.
I reach out to him, from where i have been standing, just out of his eye line. He does not seem surprised to see someone there. Maybe i am him, and he is myself. I hold is hand. His hands are warm, i can feel that they are the hands of a workman. Someone of a craft. They feel dry and tough. Maybe he is a musician? I know he is. In my minds eye i can see him playing a harp. Or a violin.

His eyes are glistening when i take his hand. Not with tears, but just glazed with a rich beauty. Making the blue intense. The tops of our arms touch and it seems to be comforting for both of us. The warmth and touch of another person. Somehow i can see us from behind, i am wearing the blonde girls white dress, but i am not blonde, i have my own hair, and it extends past my waist in delicate waves..

I know i am the boy again and i can feel myself holding hands with someone. Yet i am seeing the well in front of us from his eyes, everything is still, and there is no-one else there.

///

I might just be reckless and buy everything in my baskets and the longboard i want, and yeah just everything.

I might as well live on free money while i can.

///

There might not be many pictures on here for a while, not drawn ones anyway. My photoshop just decided to be a dick.

Next Tattoo.

I have had this design knocking around for a good few years now, but i've never had the money or guts to get it done. I drew it about three years ago, and my rule, (usually), for tattoos is to have a design and if it doesn't change for a year then to get it. But if it changes then not get it because then i might regret what i got before.

Lately i have been just sort of taking things as they come with my body. Like my hair, i just want to change it, i want my ears pierced again, i want all the tattoos that i have been collecting. I think i am just in need of change in general, and until that really happens i think i'm trying to subsidise with my physical appearance.

Anyway, i intentionally drew this with my ribs in mind, on my left side behind my boob going around toward my back, but i put it up behind my ear earlier on the paper, and it fits just right on my neck. This way it fits on the left better, and right under my Quaver, but then i'm thinking that i wouldn't want it the same side as the quaver, it would become a bit too symbolic to me, so maybe the other side if i just flip it over. I'd love to keep the illustrative quality as well, so i would have to put some time and effort into finding a really good artist to do it.

I'm still not sure about the neck though. But it looks fit.

Anyways, my mum would kill me. Ha.

Lady Gray.

It's so nice.

Normal tea is so boring with no sugar.

This is now my drink to drink.

Never forgetting this.

http://cookingagents.wordpress.com/2011/03/01/strawberry-lemonade-cupcakes/

Good.

After a slight malfunction in sanity yesterday, i am feeling so much better this morning. I think i did really need last night. I was able to just relax, and not think. Such bliss.

I am in a very good mood now. Though i made Joe a postcard and i was going to put it up on here before i sent it, but i forgot to scan it before i put it in the envelope. I guess it's good though, so he wouldn't accidentally see it before it got to him. It's just i drew on it, and it's really nice, and i am proud of it, now it wont be on my blog... Damn.

Oh well.

Mr. Sugar.

Getting angry at yourself doesn't work.

I'm still sat here.

Kilian Martin.

It's like watching dancing with skateboarding tricks.

I love the direction of these videos.

New Design?