Sunday, 30 October 2011

Tears.

For various reasons I have cried every day for the last 7 days.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I was depressed. I am just very very sad.
I am newly unemployed.
Back to being stuck at home.
Absolutely no money.
Frustrated.
Alone.
I feel hopeless and stupid. With no way to help myself.
I'm not even taking pictures of anything at the moment. Even with so many festive things happening around me.
I need to get away. Now. I have no way to run away. I have too little money to go far enough away. I'm too impatient to wait to go away. I'll never get out of this rut that I have created in my mind.

I need to figure out what to do. What I want. I don't know what I want. It would be so much easier if I did. Some direction would help. Something to aim for.
But I don't have that either.

Friday, 28 October 2011

Bedroom.

This is my bedroom. As you can see, my fairy lights are dying.
More have gone since I took this photo. It's sad that I'm upset about it. But they are pretty. And I've had them for ages.

Anyway. This is my fortress of solitude for the rest of my foreseeable future. Until I get a job. Sort my life out. And get out of here.

Caught up.

Last weekend I spent the evening and day at Chloë's house. It was lovely. Full of food, as usual. Drinks, catchups and gossips.
We had some lovely tapas to accompany Chloë's delicious butternut squash soup. We had cava, wine and flaming sambuccas! Drank with a bit more dignity than we may have drank them at uni though.

Sunday, we really may as well have been in the Blue house. Nibbles. Roasties. Red wine gravy. Misfits. Uni basically.

I'm glad I listened to my spontaneous thoughts last friday and accepted the invitation to go round. I've really missed Chloë. It's nice to know that we are both in the same situation. Stuck at home, frustrated, eager to make our own lives. It will happen, and we both know it will take some time. But at least for now we both have someone who knows how it feels to be trapped.
After all the reminiscing we did last weekend about times at uni, I'm sure in a year or so, we will meet up again and reminisce once again about how easy our lives were a year ago.

I'm hoping for the best. For both of us.