Thursday, 31 March 2011



Shorts- H&M
Skirt- Topshop
Skirt- Topshop
M.A.C. - Smoulder Kohl Eye pencil
Dress- Topshop, (i have a belt around the join)

These are the lovely things that i bought yesterday, and i am going to wear something of it out tomorrow when i meet up with Mary and others.



Wednesday, 30 March 2011

I had a really successful day.

Bursary came in today and i went on a huge shopping spree by myself.
I loved it.
I may do a few photos at some point in the near future to show off my purchases.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

I did some work.

This is the second ring i have made in the whole of the spring term. Considering that it took me a day and a half to make, i really should have done more by now.
If i really buckle down in summer term I could actually get a decent mark.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

To Buy:

  • Clothes from Topshop
  • Longboard
  • Slouchy trackies


I am just a drifter at the moment.
I'm allowing myself to be consumed with thoughts.
I'm not actually doing anything to better myself, get new inspirations or motivation.
There is something not quite right with me at the moment.
I just don't know what it is.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Inside Story #1

I see a boy. Or a man. He looks like an older teenager, about 17 or 18. He has dark layered hair, that hugs his face in a messy fashion, but at the same time it is shiny and looks touchable and soft. He is wearing the attire of a skateboarder. The top is dark and long sleeved, i think it's grey or blue. Maybe a rusty blue. If that makes sense. His jeans are black. And he is wearing shoes, but i can't see them because the summer grass is quite long.

He is stood in a clearing of a forest, with grass on the ground, rich green grass. There are tall brown tree trunks, with tops of leaves, stood all around him. There is a house in the distance. A white cottage with old fashioned window frames and a brown door.

The teen seems worried. He looks almost lost, he doesn't know about something. His eyes are wide and his fingers keep jumping to his mouth as he looks around, almost in a panic. Does he think he's being watched? He doesn't want to go into the house, so maybe he has just come from it? Has he run away? Maybe he was angry or upset and in an outburst of emotion he left the house with the intention of not returning? He does not seem to have regret on his face. Just worry. Spinning around every now and then, changing directions to look somewhere else.
I have just noticed that his clothes have changed. His top is now a light t-shirt with a long sleeved red black and white checked shirt open over the top. I notice that he is clean shaven, but i cannot see his eyes. His thin but dark fringe is obscuring them.

There is a path under his feet. Like a circle full of dirt exactly where he is stood. With one last look at the house he turns 180º to the left and starts along the path.

He is striding quite purposefully. I don't think he really knows where he is going though. The path is a close forest path, with the tree trunks all he can see, but it's surprisingly sunny considering how close the trees are together. He looks up and the branches are empty of leaves, but when he looks down the sun is flitting through leaves. It is a summer sun. I imagine he is quite warm, but he is not breaking a sweat.

I have become the boy. When? I'm not really sure, it must have been while he has been walking. A tree branch that looks quite thick and solid whips our left arm as he walks. The branch is quite flexible, so does not hurt. This makes him turn his head in that direction, and we see at first a girl, in a white dress, with long blonde hair. He is still walking in the same direction while we are looking through the trees at the girl. A tree trunk obscures the view of her and when the same spot emerges on the other side she has been replaced with a well.

The well has become an attraction. We are both staring at it. The mystery of the girl is gone. He starts towards it. The path has roots of trees over the dirt making footing slightly uneasy. But at the same time he is still walking, almost as if he is gliding. The well stands in a clearing, a small clearing, and bathed in sunset sunlight. A warm glow of a light, in the perfect circle of the clearing. The floor is covered in green grass, like the house. The well is made of old square grey stones, with a small thatched roof, and the bucket hanging off of the rope from a hook on a pole.

He takes the bucket from the hook. I am now out of his body, yet i can only see from his waist upwards. He is now wearing a plain long sleeved white t-shirt, rolled up to his elbows. His arms have fine dark hair over them. In the light he looks like he would tan a lot in the summer, but it must still be winter, or maybe he has been hiding in the white cottage.

When he reached for the bucket, he lowers it in the water of the well, which is quite high up, and crystal clear. It does not appear to have a colour. The ripples in the water distort his reflection, it's of his face, and i am seeing it through his eyes. He thinks he is attractive, but he looks sad. He has sad blue eyes.

The ripples have stopped and the water is still, his reflection has gone, even though he is still looking down in the water. He notices how the bucket is stuck upright in the water, right in the centre of the well. He reaches for it and pulls. The water has changed, its now the consistency of tough cake mix. He keeps pulling but the water only takes back the bucket. It wont budge, so he gives up. His hands fall to his side as he is defeated. He looks vulnerable but unaware of it. He still has sad blue eyes. I want to cheer him up.
I reach out to him, from where i have been standing, just out of his eye line. He does not seem surprised to see someone there. Maybe i am him, and he is myself. I hold is hand. His hands are warm, i can feel that they are the hands of a workman. Someone of a craft. They feel dry and tough. Maybe he is a musician? I know he is. In my minds eye i can see him playing a harp. Or a violin.

His eyes are glistening when i take his hand. Not with tears, but just glazed with a rich beauty. Making the blue intense. The tops of our arms touch and it seems to be comforting for both of us. The warmth and touch of another person. Somehow i can see us from behind, i am wearing the blonde girls white dress, but i am not blonde, i have my own hair, and it extends past my waist in delicate waves..

I know i am the boy again and i can feel myself holding hands with someone. Yet i am seeing the well in front of us from his eyes, everything is still, and there is no-one else there.


I might just be reckless and buy everything in my baskets and the longboard i want, and yeah just everything.

I might as well live on free money while i can.


There might not be many pictures on here for a while, not drawn ones anyway. My photoshop just decided to be a dick.

Next Tattoo.

I have had this design knocking around for a good few years now, but i've never had the money or guts to get it done. I drew it about three years ago, and my rule, (usually), for tattoos is to have a design and if it doesn't change for a year then to get it. But if it changes then not get it because then i might regret what i got before.
Lately i have been just sort of taking things as they come with my body. Like my hair, i just want to change it, i want my ears pierced again, i want all the tattoos that i have been collecting. I think i am just in need of change in general, and until that really happens i think i'm trying to subsidise with my physical appearance.
Anyway, i intentionally drew this with my ribs in mind, on my left side behind my boob going around toward my back, but i put it up behind my ear earlier on the paper, and it fits just right on my neck. This way it fits on the left better, and right under my Quaver, but then i'm thinking that i wouldn't want it the same side as the quaver, it would become a bit too symbolic to me, so maybe the other side if i just flip it over. I'd love to keep the illustrative quality as well, so i would have to put some time and effort into finding a really good artist to do it.
I'm still not sure about the neck though. But it looks fit.
Anyways, my mum would kill me. Ha.

Lady Gray.

It's so nice.
Normal tea is so boring with no sugar.
This is now my drink to drink.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Never forgetting this.

Saturday, 19 March 2011


After a slight malfunction in sanity yesterday, i am feeling so much better this morning. I think i did really need last night. I was able to just relax, and not think. Such bliss.

I am in a very good mood now. Though i made Joe a postcard and i was going to put it up on here before i sent it, but i forgot to scan it before i put it in the envelope. I guess it's good though, so he wouldn't accidentally see it before it got to him. It's just i drew on it, and it's really nice, and i am proud of it, now it wont be on my blog... Damn.

Oh well.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Mr. Sugar.

Getting angry at yourself doesn't work.

I'm still sat here.

Kilian Martin.

It's like watching dancing with skateboarding tricks.
I love the direction of these videos.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

New Design?

Playing with bits.


I always seem to end up looking like i have the knees of a six year old boy.


This at the moment means that i should continue not going to Uni. That i should also continue sitting in the sun. I should talk to Joe on Skype a lot more. In fact i should just go and see Joe right now. I should draw lots of things for Shy Fox. I should just draw more in general. I should take more pictures. Develop more film. Scan things in more. I should just carry on blogging my little heart out until it explodes. I should read more quirky books. I should have more interesting discussions about the nature of humans. I should tidy my room more.

I should just carry on doing exactly what I have been doing for the last two weeks.


Quel que soit, sera. L'avenir ne nous appartient pas de voir.

A little wish list.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011



Half Productive.

Seeing as I don't appear to go to Uni anymore. I decided to start a blog on Tumblr which I can use to do Contextual Research while i am just sat on my computer all day.

It is basically so I can hand something in at the end of the year for assessment, and then I will half be able to say that I was actually doing something while I was 'ill' or 'going through something'.
Sometimes I am ill and going through a hard time, but lately it's just been an excuse to not go in.

I know i need to do a lot of physical work, but hopefully this will help bulk up my research part of the unit, as its the part which i nearly always fail on.


Why is it that when i go to bed at a good time, i still wake up stupidly tired and unable to face the thought of going to uni?

I would rather sit here. And draw. All day.


Monday, 14 March 2011

I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.
I don't know what i can save you from.

Tattoo Talk.

As i have said before i would like the whole of Mosest Mouse's 'World at Large' tattooed on my back in some nice script.

But i would also like a line from a Kings of Convenience song or the whole song tattooed.
At the moment the song title: "I don't know what i can save you from" appeals to me. But i'm not sure if that would stay relevant for that long. Unless it was purely in reference to myself.
If i did get just one line of any song, it would probably be on my inner arm. Probably upper. Maybe even somewhere more discreet. So mum wouldn't kill me.

I think tattoos are going to happen in April, or just after. Me, Chloë and Ben all getting them done. I just don't know what to get done first.

The bird/feather.
World at large.
I don't know what i can save you from.
The lilly.

Saturday, 12 March 2011



25% off.

Mr. Nobody

I watched Mr. Nobody tonight. I really liked it. Also the ideas behind it are quite relevant to what me and Ben where talking about earlier. It's over two hours long, but was interesting the whole way through and able to keep my attention. Jared Leto is lovely as always. He's also a very good actor, i'm going to say an under rated one actually.
I like it because it's basically saying that life is full of choices to make, some being hard and even though we don't know what is going to happen, and even though we can never weigh up the pros and cons of the consequence of a choice we have to make. Whatever we do is a choice that we make, must take responsibility for and live with. These choices we make, create the path we chose to live, even if we make bad choices and mistakes, this path is the right path for us.
Our own path is the right one for ourselves.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Say 'No' to sugar in Tea.

I realise that i should have made this post yesterday.
For lent i am giving up having sugar in my tea. Now i am not religious, and i am, like most people, just using lent as a period of time where i have an excuse to try and make something i do feel more meaningful.

I feel quite good about this Lent. For one, it will actually be a challenge, as i usually have 3, sometimes 4 sugars in my tea. I have a ridiculously sweet tooth. Two, this can't be good for me. I have between 3 and 9 cups of tea a day. Say i had 5, that is 15 sugars. And that is 225 calories. From the sugar in tea... a drink.

As i said i feel good about this challenge, and i really think i can do it.
But i am feeling bitter-sweet about the attitudes of the people i have told. I can't think of one person i have told that has been truly supportive. But at the same time, i have realised that to make me do something it is better that people take the piss and test me.
Basically no-one believes that i can succeed with this, i know i can, and i am going to prove everyone wrong.

Today for example, Ben being his usual whipped self made me a cup of tea. He respected my lent and didn't put any sugar into the actual tea, but instead gave me an egg cup full of sugar with a teaspoon to then tempt me. Now because he did this i am more likely to not want the sugar. He was basically mocking my will power, so i had a surge of it.

This insulting/mocking/testing of my will power does not seem to apply to many things though. Only the things that i can actually be bothered to do. And in most cases to prove people completely wrong. Why? I don't know. For example though, if someone says that i can't do something in my uni work, which i 'want' to do, i will usually just not bother at all, because i'm not really that fussed and its not something that i really want to do that badly. Where as when it comes to Joe, saying that he bets that i will text him because i'm jealous. Then no. I won't text him. Even if i am a tiny bit jealous. I will prove my point, that i am not going to cave in to your expectations of me at my weakest.

This is what i need. To care about bigger things then my will power for them might get things done. Rather than having the will power to not have sugar in tea or to not text my boyfriend when he is meeting up with his perfect other half, i should be having the will power to do my uni work, things i don't necessarily care about but need to be done, and to go out and experience new things.