Days with lovers.

Friends.

Strangers.

Laughs.

Pictures.

Work has obvious downsides. Always. Where ever you work. Whatever the routine. The daily grind is named that for a reason. Sometimes you have to drag your feet.

Upsides are never really far behind.

You just have to look to your left and your right.

Up instead of down.

Should all else fail.

Peek over your shoulder.

Time spent in work takes away days. Whole days.

There are few hours in which I can see loves.

Mary. Steve. Chloe. Whitney. I have seen you mostly.

I'm not wasting the money I earn in my wasted time in an office.

I am eating out. Drinking out. Company enjoyed and plans fitting seamlessly together.

Yes valentines.

A day of either love or despair.

Neither.

I cooked for two of whom I care. We sipped with unkissed lips. Our own little lonely hearts club.

I was by no means alone. And I never am.

Loneliness only ever comes when I remember other times of happiness. Intimacy and privacy.

The unloved are loved.

Chloe. Little munchkin.
It is bitter-sweet that I work so far from home. Maybe not even far. But it feels so.

A decent wage. Two hours plus of daily travel. Bitter.

Easy work. Near Chloë. Pretty little town. Sweet.

Lovely lunchin's.

Like we do.

The near future.

It will be busy.

And i will have my little treats.

Produce.

I have been productive.
Creative for once.
No time.
Gives me time.

Cakes.

Cards.

Draws.

Making to music.

A lost pleasure.

Rediscovered.

More pretty things.

They fill my days.

Drawn.

Lana Del Rey's face is nice to draw.
Wavy hair and gleaming eyes.
Sketching sketching.

Eye. Telephone.

A few things have happened. A few insignificant things. Materialistic happenings.
I have a iPhone. You may have guessed. I have a new car. Dexter. The mini beast.
In a nutshell. My job may not be the most interesting in the world. It is however, giving me money.
My goodness. I am finding ways to spend it.
Tiring yes. I may complain. But ultimately my job is getting me up and out if the house everyday. Taking me away from the pretty things that I want to see. Making me more inclined to search them out.
There has been a dramatic increase in picture taking. Ease of the iPhone.

I am excited for my weekends. For future plans. For recent happenings. Pipe dreams and day wishes.
They look more likely.

Pictures make me motivated.
I will snap.
Bend the light to my lens.

Office.

That's it. That's where i am. What I am doing.
I am sat in an office.
It's where I work.
The same company as my mother. The same office as her too.
I am a temp. From part time to full time. Only in one week.
The printer. The poster. The tea girl, sometimes.

It is easy work. Largely unfulfilling. Setting myself tiny and insignificant goals.
- Make ten manuals in one day.
I make training manuals. I print out 363 pages for each. The printer tattooing the poor dead trees.
Sat in this posture friendly chair. I am uninspired. And left with no time to become so.

5:45am - My first alarm sounds.
5:45am - I press snooze.
5:55am - Second alarm.
5:55am - Snooze once more.
6:05am - Crawl reluctantly from my warm bed. Into the freezing cold of my room I step.
6:06am - Space heater, full blast. Laptop, on.
6:07am - Bathroom. Shower. Teeth. Freshness through grogginess.
6:30am - Relaxed music. Makeup. Clothing selection. Black trousers. Smart top. Hair dried. Coat on.
7:10am - Shoes on. Out the door. Defrost Dexter.
7:15am - No later than this, or I get stuck, more so than I do already. Select music. Drive.
8:30am - Arrive at work. After tedious driving. Bad drivers. Roundabout queues. Nightmare.
8:35am - Flasher card. Access. Ecspresso. 2 or 3 sugars. Thankyou very much. Stir it please.
8:45am - Start manuals. Rondezvous with manager. Every day is the same thing.
11:00am - Stomach starts to grumble.
11:30am - Drink copious amounts of tea. Delay the lunch hour. Delay. Delay. Delay.
1:00pm - Lunch time. Walk into the town. Take pictures. Paninis. Sandwiches. Deli lust. Plume of smoke? Perhaps. Apreciate the sun.
2:00pm - Walk ever so slowly back to the office. A large clostrophobic space.
2:15pm - After delaying some more. Coffee. Tea. Chai. Manuals. Snap. Print. Snap. Compile.
5:00pm - Intend to leave. On the dot. Most of the time. There is ONE more thing to do.
5:20pm - Actually leave. Stubble bumble to the car. Frost in my nose. Sunsets looking pretty. Picture snap. A happy reminder, the sun does exist. Car heat. Full blast. Thawing feet and fingers and cheeks.
5:25pm - Drive. Repeat previous journey. In reverse.
6:30pm - Arrive home. Shoes off. Cracking knees, ankles and hips. Stomp up the stairs. Back to my freezing room.
7:00pm - Eat. Somthing. Anything. Warming? Cooling? I am not fussy. Feed the grumbling in my belly.
8:30pm - After meals. Short catchups with the father. My room has been warmed. Trusted space heater. Sparks. Music. Episodes. Uploads.
9:00pm - Intend to go to bed, within the next hour.
10:30pm - Make hot water bottle. Warm milk and honey. Or Chai. Check and close all social media.
10:45pm - Climb into bed. Feet burning. Hot water inside fluff. Snooze and sleep and sleep and dream

04:45am - Wake up exactly an hour before my alarm. Back to sleep in the cold.

This is my day. Monday to Friday. Not just 9 to 5. They never count the extras.
This is why, my friends, I cannot go out with you on the weekdays. The weekends have become precious. Even they feel wasted.
The office is only tiring, because I can feel my brain rotting. Lack of visual stimulation. My ears picking up gossips. People I do not know. I know about their little mischiefs.

7 months more.
A change would be much welcomed. Sooner rather than later.
A new place to live. What a lovely start that would be.

I miss the film in my camera . My pencils. My sketchbooks. My paints. Hell, I even miss my peircing saw.
More time. I need more time.

Time to see.
Time to do.

2012/// To-Do:

• Get a Job. Flexible. Pretty. Nice people.
  
• Look after my body. Drink less. Smoke less. Eat and drink healthily. My body is a temple and all that.
  
• Find an enjoyable sporting activity to do weekly. Swimming. Hockey. Netball. Etc.
  
• Do Yoga at least 5 times a week.
• Save money. Go out less. Not buy so many clothes/things I don't need.
  
• Knit a jumper.
• Lose 1stone of weight.
• Do a whole month of a Jillian Michael's work out.
• Start selling Photographic prints. Online. Supply shops.
• See friends alot more.
• Aim to fill a roll of camera film every month.
• Develop self motivation and will-power.
• Reset. Maintain my body clock.
• Educate myself. Read more classic books.
• Move out. With friends. Alone. Something.
• Be able to support myself. Mentally. Financially.
• Learn a new language. French. Finnish. Italian. Russian.

Lapland.

Lapland. It was beautiful. Go. Just go. Words cannot describe.

• Snow.
• Finnish accents.
• 60mph in on the Ice.
• Evergreens.
• Bonfires.
• Hot berry juice.
• Gingerbread.
• Ski legs.
• Attractive humans.
• Fairy lights.
  
• Too hot.
• Too cold.
• Just right.
• Kiitos.
  
• Reindeer strokes.
  
• Reindeer eating.
• Reindeer fur.
• Speeding mobiles.
• Plough. Plough. Plough.
  
• Hot chocolate.
• Father christmas.
• Hats.
• Wool.
• Elves.
• Bright stars.
• Powder.
• Huskies.
• Lauren.
• Antlers.

My pictures. They don't capture the beauty there. I would happily live there.














We raced the sun home. We won.

A nice day.

Now I know that everyone has their presents, I feel safe in posting this picture.
On the 13th. I think. I had a lovely day. It was an early morning. Gusty. To town to sign the little form. To buy presents. Pretty presents. A little shop called the Golden Goose entertained me for at least an hour. Full of trinkets and little pretties. My favourite kind of shop. While in there I had alot of fun smelling candles. Beautiful scents. Honeysuckle sweet. Blush soft. They were bought. Some surprising tones coming from little tin pots.
I went to the garden cafe that day. By then it was raining. All shopped out and waiting for parking tickets to expire. Moneys worth.
I sat outside. Under the porch. In the rain. The wind subdued by the four stone walls. I smoked a cigarette. I drank my tea. Listening to sounds. Chatters and Clatters.

Yes a pointless little paragraph.
But a lovely day it was.

Miss.

Everything about Christmas this year, is reminding me about last year. So much has changed since. Last year I was in Falmouth. In love. Happy. Clueless. It was blissful.
Me and Chloë getting far, FAR, too excited for Christmas holidays. Going home. Food. Gifts. Parties. Shopping in Truro for party dresses. Wintery beverages. SNOWBALLS. Peaking too soon.
I am clutching onto my memories from last year like my life depends on it. In a way. My sanity does. I'm just reminding myself how many things can happen in such a short time.

2012. It's here quickly. It seems like only last week that I was in Bath celebrating New Year in the freezing cold. With J and the bouncer. It was a good night. And little did I know 2011 would be the most eventful year of my life as I can remember, so far.
All I can really hope from 2012 is that nothing much happens. That everything I work for puts me in a better place. Physically. That I can better myself in ways that I see fit. I hope to be able to bring in 2013 as a happier person in general. Maybe with some direction.
2012 is really a new start this time.
All previous years, I have been in the same situation year in year out. Same people, same surroundings. Same everything.

I am excited for things to come. Next year and onwards. But for now. The rest of 2011. December. I have Lapland to look forward to. I have another NYE to get excited about. Chloë, the boys, cardiff.
A change of scene.

Foxed.

Yes. I used tracing paper. Shoot me. No. Don't.
I really liked this image by Derek Guidry. I like it so much that I would like it on me. Ink. Ink. Ink.
The problem I have is that, I am completely copying someone else's work. It wouldn't be so bad, if it was someone who had been a life long inspiration. Or something. But because I have only seen afew of his works. And I mainly like this one because it's a fox. The best animals. I think it would be strange to get a straight copy tattooed.

So I changed it up. I made it softer, I think. Less intense. Blue eyes over green. Compass instead of a clock. SW. South West. Always.
The issue as always. With a tattoo.
Where to have it?
This would look quite nice a bit bigger. I think anyway. You never know until there is a stencil on your skin. I'm thinking arm. Upper inside. Maybe.

Just another thing to save some money for.

First Pages.

It feels good to start a sketchbook. To be able to draw. Doodles. Sketch. Design. Cut. Stick. Destroy. Sketchbooking was always what I most enjoyed. A book of secrets. The process of thoughts behind designs. Layers of mistakes. Seen as an aesthetic addition to the pages.
So far I have just been playing around with the noisy knitting thing. Learning to use it. Becoming friends. It is convenient. A weeks worth of hand knitting done in a mere two minutes. Automated needles. All I need to do is move my arm backwards and forwards. Taking the wool over the shiny, awaiting needles. It is not so easy however, to make a garment. The knitted world has another language, which I am yet to grasp.
Testers are filling my pages. Mainly because I cannot really work out how to do much else.

Colours. I have some disgusting colours at the moment. But it was free. No real complaint. When I start to make garments. Which I will. I will buy my own wool. With a nice quality. Tasteful colours. Pretty clothes.

I will make you all winter wrap ups. All cosy sleeves and comfort. Patterns and pretties. Plain and textured. Everything I can think of will be made, at least once.

I have the shed again. And yet to take any pictures. The knitting machine is not very photogenic. It is all metal and plastic. Industrial and ugly. I will take it down at some point. Decorate the walls inside with nostalgic pictures. Drawings and the like. Then I will take some snaps.
My lovely shed.
It's a home again.