Playing with bits.

Bruises.

I always seem to end up looking like i have the knees of a six year old boy.

///

This at the moment means that i should continue not going to Uni. That i should also continue sitting in the sun. I should talk to Joe on Skype a lot more. In fact i should just go and see Joe right now. I should draw lots of things for Shy Fox. I should just draw more in general. I should take more pictures. Develop more film. Scan things in more. I should just carry on blogging my little heart out until it explodes. I should read more quirky books. I should have more interesting discussions about the nature of humans. I should tidy my room more.

I should just carry on doing exactly what I have been doing for the last two weeks.

///

Quel que soit, sera. L'avenir ne nous appartient pas de voir.

A little wish list.

Handwritten.

Doris.

Half Productive.

Seeing as I don't appear to go to Uni anymore. I decided to start a blog on Tumblr which I can use to do Contextual Research while i am just sat on my computer all day.

http://redlayeforcrafts.tumblr.com/

It is basically so I can hand something in at the end of the year for assessment, and then I will half be able to say that I was actually doing something while I was 'ill' or 'going through something'.

Sometimes I am ill and going through a hard time, but lately it's just been an excuse to not go in.

I know i need to do a lot of physical work, but hopefully this will help bulk up my research part of the unit, as its the part which i nearly always fail on.

Yawn.

Why is it that when i go to bed at a good time, i still wake up stupidly tired and unable to face the thought of going to uni?

I would rather sit here. And draw. All day.

Beauty.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

I don't know what i can save you from.

Tattoo Talk.

As i have said before i would like the whole of Mosest Mouse's 'World at Large' tattooed on my back in some nice script.

But i would also like a line from a Kings of Convenience song or the whole song tattooed.

At the moment the song title: "I don't know what i can save you from" appeals to me. But i'm not sure if that would stay relevant for that long. Unless it was purely in reference to myself.

If i did get just one line of any song, it would probably be on my inner arm. Probably upper. Maybe even somewhere more discreet. So mum wouldn't kill me.

I think tattoos are going to happen in April, or just after. Me, Chloë and Ben all getting them done. I just don't know what to get done first.

The bird/feather.

World at large.

I don't know what i can save you from.

The lilly.

Fire.

Developed.

25% off.

Mr. Nobody

I watched Mr. Nobody tonight. I really liked it. Also the ideas behind it are quite relevant to what me and Ben where talking about earlier. It's over two hours long, but was interesting the whole way through and able to keep my attention. Jared Leto is lovely as always. He's also a very good actor, i'm going to say an under rated one actually.

I like it because it's basically saying that life is full of choices to make, some being hard and even though we don't know what is going to happen, and even though we can never weigh up the pros and cons of the consequence of a choice we have to make. Whatever we do is a choice that we make, must take responsibility for and live with. These choices we make, create the path we chose to live, even if we make bad choices and mistakes, this path is the right path for us.

Our own path is the right one for ourselves.

Say 'No' to sugar in Tea.

I realise that i should have made this post yesterday.

For lent i am giving up having sugar in my tea. Now i am not religious, and i am, like most people, just using lent as a period of time where i have an excuse to try and make something i do feel more meaningful.

I feel quite good about this Lent. For one, it will actually be a challenge, as i usually have 3, sometimes 4 sugars in my tea. I have a ridiculously sweet tooth. Two, this can't be good for me. I have between 3 and 9 cups of tea a day. Say i had 5, that is 15 sugars. And that is 225 calories. From the sugar in tea... a drink.

As i said i feel good about this challenge, and i really think i can do it.

But i am feeling bitter-sweet about the attitudes of the people i have told. I can't think of one person i have told that has been truly supportive. But at the same time, i have realised that to make me do something it is better that people take the piss and test me.

Basically no-one believes that i can succeed with this, i know i can, and i am going to prove everyone wrong.

Today for example, Ben being his usual whipped self made me a cup of tea. He respected my lent and didn't put any sugar into the actual tea, but instead gave me an egg cup full of sugar with a teaspoon to then tempt me. Now because he did this i am more likely to not want the sugar. He was basically mocking my will power, so i had a surge of it.

This insulting/mocking/testing of my will power does not seem to apply to many things though. Only the things that i can actually be bothered to do. And in most cases to prove people completely wrong. Why? I don't know. For example though, if someone says that i can't do something in my uni work, which i 'want' to do, i will usually just not bother at all, because i'm not really that fussed and its not something that i really want to do that badly. Where as when it comes to Joe, saying that he bets that i will text him because i'm jealous. Then no. I won't text him. Even if i am a tiny bit jealous. I will prove my point, that i am not going to cave in to your expectations of me at my weakest.

This is what i need. To care about bigger things then my will power for them might get things done. Rather than having the will power to not have sugar in tea or to not text my boyfriend when he is meeting up with his perfect other half, i should be having the will power to do my uni work, things i don't necessarily care about but need to be done, and to go out and experience new things.

Crisp.

Shy Fox.

Natalie Portman should always have ears.

I'm so proud of this.

Dinner.

///

Another.

From Yesterday.

Avocado. Cream cheese. Pepper. Salt.

With Tea.

///

The best playlist on the face of the earth.

Courtesy of myself and Joe.

Red///

I look like i'm going to hit someone.

To-Do List. (In Life)

• See the Northern Lights
• Visit Iceland
• Learn to play the Piano and how to read music
• Own my own Gallery
• Have my OM-2 back in complete working order
• Have a family
• Go back to Venice
• Bake a perfect loaf of bread
• Jump out of a Plane
• Learn to ride a motorbike

In no particular order.

Being a bit of a weirdo.

While i was getting dressed i just decided to put on my summer gear. Denim shorts, bikini, vest top, flip flops and sunnys. Man did i get excited. Right now the sun is shining like it's summer outside, but it's freezing cold still. Misleading bastard. But still, i just cannot wait for summer.

I feel like i really need a holiday as well. A beach holiday somewhere. Even in Cornwall somewhere, but it would be infinitely better in the Mediterranean or the Caribbean. Greece or Turkey or something, Mexico again would be the last temptation to just marry a rich man and sponge, just to stay there. I could quite happily be rich and just go anywhere i pleased.

I would also like to go to Hawaii. With flowers and beaches and sunnnn.

I honestly think i am going to fail my degree. I would honestly rather be on the beach than working in a dingy studio for the best three months of my life. This summer, will be epic. I have already basically decided that i cant be bothered with work. So i will probably waste the next term. I'm just going to do this Professional Practice unit properly and see where this gets me. I am going to be cheeky and try and ask for a job with the trellisick gallery after this work experience, if i enjoy it. I would understand if they wouldn't take me, but it would be awesome. It's wishful thinking at the moment. What could happen though, is that i ask/apply for a job now and then come back after graduation in september and work. That would be ideal.

That way i would have time to find somewhere to live and set myself up for work.

Yeah, this would all be in an ideal situation, i obviously know its going to be harder than that.

I will put some effort into my uni work, but interest has been waning dramatically since the start of this year. It isn't getting better either. I'm distracted by various things. The thought of the Summer being a main one right this moment.

I just cannot wait.

Fresh.

I want that new room feeling.

I am slightly fed up of not being able to have my room EXACTLY how i like it. I cant decorate, and the furniture is rubbish, and just its all starting to annoy me at the moment.

I want white. White, white white. With shelves and frames on the walls.

I need my own house, or at least my own room where i can buy everything fresh.

I am so close to getting a bursary.

SO CLOSE.

Mum needs to ring up and then i get free money. I think. I hope. Yay.

Professional Practise.

Ok, a while ago i mentioned the professional practise unit we are doing this term for uni, and looking at a serious plan for the future. Well so far so good. For this part of the unit there is a programme where everyone gets put with a professional maker of some craft and they work under them to gain a bit of experience of what it's like to be involved in the business side of craft. Now as much as this is a great opportunity, i didn't really fancy it, but in my tutorial i was talking about how i would love to go into the gallery business and curation and management, and apparently the woman who is the gallery manager in trelisick gallery was looking for me. She came in and was there for a seminar and q&a session about the Cornwall Crafts Association. I went up to her at the end of it and asked how she got into gallery management as i wasn't that interested in being a maker so much after uni and i could see my self in gallery work. She basically told me right there to get in contact. Before i was able to though, the list of people that were being placed with makers was up on the board, and there is my name at the top with two offers for work experience in gallery curation!

My tutor, who ordinarily i don't agree with on anything, has been brilliant. Not just with me, she has taken a personal interest in everyone's ambitions for after uni. She does seem a bit excited for me though, i think maybe because i am actually doing something different to everyone else on the course and its going well so far.

So yes anyway, i then rang up this woman, Elena. And now from Monday the 7th, i'm going to be working between Trelowarren and Trelissick and helping to set up for a show in mid march!

It's just amazing that this sort of opportunity has arrived. I have my car here now as well so there isn't much of a problem getting there. Putting this sort of work experience on my CV though will really help me. It might even be possible to get a job there afterwards. If it doesn't though it will always help me get a job in a little shitty gallery somewhere. And from there we will see.

The ultimate goal? Skip 10 years, i would love to just be starting my own gallery. A place with the aesthetic of work that i want, and my own place that i have worked hard for.

Uni.

I never want to go in.

I just sit here at the desk like a lemon.

I'm meant to be working.

Instead i'm drinking tea.

A lost day.

Today is a hopeless day.

I need to buy tools but have no money, i need to do certain things in my work but i never seem to get a chance.

I gave up on uni today in the studio, instead ill be at home and print things off.

Also it is March tomorrow which means i have exactly £100 to last me for two months.

Joy.

Sad Fox

Writing always helps.

As much as Blogging might be helpful, writing things by hand, for some reason, makes everything more clear.

How you feel. What you want. You can formulate plans, analyse your own opinions and look at why you are feeling certain ways.

I could write and write and write.

Day of Falmouth and Niceness.

Current symptoms of nothing.

• Almost fainted on the stairs
• Stomach ache
• Ear ache
• Headache
• Shivers
• Hot/Cold flushes
• Feeling faint even when lead down
• Light Spots in my eyes

What is going on?

I am also home alone and have been commanded by my housemate to have my phone on me at all times.

Yes sir.

Chloë

I'm not as big as a fan of this one of Chloë as i am of the one of Anthony, because Chloë's head was slightly to the side and i tried to get her head right but i didn't get the shortening right on one side of her face.

Oh well, i still like it, it looks better on paper than in pixels.

Single Finger Knuckle Duster.

Made from Brass sheet and wire, with an Acrylic centre.

Awesome Day.

1. Woke up. Felt like it was a skinny day and decided to try on my dress, which i haven't worn for 2 years and the one that hasn't fitted properly for 3. IT FITS, really nicely, and im so happy about it. I never thought this day would come. Its so amazing. I think ill even post a picture at some point.
2. I handed in my dissertation today, so that is all done, out the way and out of my head thank god.
3. I finished the single finger knuckle duster today, which i will post later, and it was very popular. It's annoying when people ask me why i haven't been making things this good for the last couple of years though...
4. I had a discussion with my tutor today about my future and what i want to do. The main goal for later in life is to own my own gallery, charging for space and then taking commission if pieces sell. The short term goals are to decide what i am going to do IMMEDIATELY after uni. So july. Obviously ill go home for a month or so to organise my stuff. But then is when i have to think of what to do. It could either be getting a job in a gallery in bath and live with joe which i would really like. Or get a job here in cornwall, somewhere in a gallery and seeing as joe is finished and we have been apart for the whole time at uni he could either move to be with me or we could just spend some more time apart, but i'm not sure about this idea. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to move to live with me in cornwall, but mainly because he wouldn't want to feel like he had been forced to move to be with me. I know that would be apparent for anyone he might have been with though. Another option is to go into business with a friend, managing a shop? gallery space? making stuff? etc. Thats the quite vague option really, but still a promising option none the less.

Today has made me feel motivated, and excited and a little bit hyper. I will post a picture of the ring i made later.

I cant believe it.

I can fit into a dress that i have been too big for, for over three years..

It's my favourite dress and i can finally wear it again. I could cry with happiness.

A real sleep.

I had my first real nights sleep last night, with a slight blip at 2am, but the radiator as stupidly hot.

It's so nice to be awake and not feel tired.

I'm getting my dissertation bound today. Then tomorrow it's handed in.

I will never have to wright a fucking essay ever again.

Finally.

I have finished my dissertation. Amazing.

But right now i am so sleepy. Lack of sleep, stress and lack of food really isn't a good combination.

Good news though, i am going up to see Joe on the 18th.

I spent the money for food for the next three weeks on a train ticket.

I'm going to be living on nothing but rice.

The 18th really can't come soon enough.

That is all. Goodnight.

Joke of a house-'mate'.

This is what Rosie sent to Chloë....

Then i sent my own message as a response. It said...

I apologise for my status last night. I know it's not an excuse, but i was drunk, and reading something with several things in that aren't true, usually gets anyone quite cross. Hence the resulting angry status.

I would first like to question your logic in sending that email to Chloë. Did you think i would not see it? Or was that the cowardly intention? To send Chloë a message for me to read, so that in your 'perfectly' politically correct way you could say what you think about me without actually having to say them to my face. (Facebook or in person)

Can i ask, What did i do to treat Becky so badly? I didn't victimise her, I didn't bully her. I found her rude but did not say anything because it wasn't an issue with actually living with her. For example, if me or chloe were to walk into the kitchen when she was making something, more often than not, she would not even acknowledge us. I consider that rude.

I would also like to know why you thought i had a vendetta against her. Did you know that a Vendetta is a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's family. (I know what you mean but i'm just trying to highlight the stupidity of what you are saying)

You were never there when me and chloe would have a discussion with Becky about some issue we had. We would talk to her and explain and she was usually very responsive and nice and would listen to what we had to say, then share her view. With the washing up bowl, the washing machine, music etc. There was ONE time where i actually got angry at her, and to her face, because she left a pan of water on the hob boiling while she went to have a shower... The water all boiled away, and the pan was burning and the heat was on under it. Did she want to burn the house down?

A reason that me and Chloe were so resistant about turning the music down is because one night, we were in Chloe's room just chatting and listening to music, and at 9pm Becky comes and requests perfectly nicely that we turn the music down because she is going to bed and we obliged. Even better we turned it off. We were still talking, (just talking like a normal human being does when they are sharing a conversation), and at 10pm she came down and actually shouted at us for not keeping the noise down, and saying that she has to get up at 7am the next day. She said that we weren't being considerate.
Now lets look at this.. It was 10pm. We had already turned the music off. We were talking normally. And she still comes down and shouts at us. Now, i'm not trying to be funny, but we were considerate, and as it was still quite early, (10 o'clock), i am not going to stay SILENT for someone. I will turn music down/off, shut my door, compromise. But i WILL NOT let go of the basic human right to converse with a friend. It is not the turning down of the music that was the issue. It was the way she got angry because she didn't get exactly what she wanted.

If she ever had any issues with what we were saying and didn't tell us then she obviously just moaned about it to you, but that is what everyone does, they moan about things they aren't happy with. For you to assume that I was just shouting at her because i was annoyed with something is just stupid.

To Assume is to make an ASS of U and ME. (Did that didn't you)

Also if i have moaned to you about becky, then i may not have been actually hating on her. Like i just said, PEOPLE MOAN. They don't always mean what they say. I think sometimes you take things too literally and seriously. Maybe you should learn to take things with a pinch of salt.

The reason i left you a note about the cake, as i explained to you at the time, was because my brother and his girlfriend bought us that all to share, as a thank you for letting them stay in our house. For you and Sara, to go ahead and eat it, without everyone else, i thought was just rude. Also, you ate all of the fudge on the top, so yeah, 'Anti-social Fudge Packers'.
(I can't believe that you have held on to this for 6 months)

I'd also like to inform you that leaving a note is not going 'mental' at someone, it is a way of informing someone of something while they are not there. As i recall, YOU are the one with issues about notes. YOU would go mental. Actually mental. Raging upstairs, and actually screaming? Don't bottle feelings and shit up like that, the only way it comes out is through rage. And its not nice for anyone. Yes some notes are unnecessary and annoying, but there is no need to physically go mental because of them.

Please explain...
"try not to let tash fly off the wall" - WHAT?
When have i ever flown off the wall? At ANYONE? EVER? Please i would like ONE example of when i have ever gotten so angry that you would consider it flying off the wall. and not in note form as you obviously consider that an offence worthy of jail.

Reading your letter, it almost makes it look like you think i am violent and mentally unstable. I just really don't understand how you could come to this conclusion. And to be honest its quite upsetting. The idea that you would have been scared to do something or say something because you were scared of me getting so angry at you? It makes me upset that you may have been tiptoeing around something instead of coming and talking to me about it.

I'm excited at getting to know Kire, and i'm not going to fly off the wall, (not that i do with anyone). She seems really nice, and hopefully she'll be a great person to live with.

It is sad that you didn't say goodbye properly before you left. I thought we were friends. Even though we had differences of opinions and different interests, we did have some nice times chilling out.
I did actually like you.
(Please note the past tense)

Tash.

Ps. If you leave piss on the toilet seat, your housemates don't appreciate having to wipe it off before they use it.
Clean it up.