Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The Smallest Break

This title has a double meaning.
Possibly a triple one.

The last few weeks have been hard on the brain.
Possibly the months too.
But trying to ignore my own sadness caused more problems.
Eventually I seemed to break. 
I broke down and spilled out.
Tears most days. No reasons and un realised feelings.

I know this is rather personal.
For a post on my public blog, for all to see.
But it might help the followers make sense of things.
Perhaps more than I can. 

The positive side of the break. Is that when I hit a bottom.
I have enough of it.
I am not over it.
But now I can make progress and take steps to get out of my slump.

First.
Dust off the camera.
It was done.
Almost by accident.
As a rule, I will always carry my camera with me when the sun doth shine. 
So I did. Last saturday. Wake up to a bright burning sky.
My camera in my bag, I went to work. To remember that my Baker boss would be running one of his Easter Baking courses in the afternoon.
I offered my services as snapper. And snap away I did.
Sharing my camera love with my colleague.
We captured the joy of people on a light afternoon.
Baking breads and sweet things. With smiles on their faces.

The small break that I had planned came a few hours later.
Waking up with the sun once more. A small bag already packed with film and gifts of yeast and flour.
I made my way again to 7th Rise.
A return. Which I cannot really believe has taken me so long.
Just short of a year.
I remembered the way.
It was familiar.
It was fresh. 

I was glad to see the face of Thom.
And to meet some new ones too.
We had a nice little day.
Girly flowers. Manly shooting.
It was the tiniest escape, but the few hours there, within the cottage in the woods, was the exact thing that I needed.

I was, for the first time in a long time. Not dwelling on miseries.
I am not sure what it is. About that place. About the different people. About Thom. Or even about myself, when I am taken away from my routine.
But I feel enlightened. Or at least a little more relaxed.

A concious decission has been made. To visit the cottage more often.
To be away from my supossed stresses.

I have some direction.
And this place seems to help me see the way.

There are alot of things I need to do.
And saving my money is the priority.
Sadly. Without the pennies.
I cannot start doing what I want.

But I will.
Soon.

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